The Growing Up Scam !

"The following post randomly starts on no specific note , but this one is to portray the random outbursts of feelings that are quite human. I do apologise in advance for any kind of grammatical terror you may endure!! :) "

So this is from a cynic’s diary, how does it really feel like to grow up?

To answer that question my friend, let us rewind back to the time when we didn't know anything about growing up. Remember those amazing childhood days where in, the most difficult task was to choose your favourite power ranger? The time of remote control fights and ice cream choices, the time of cartoon movies and park calls and unreasonable demands, which were all fulfilled. Ah! Those were the days! And then it shattered with the window pane you broke for the fifteenth time, the illusion also wrecked to bits.

When they told you at first you heard it with a slight arrogance, walked with pride and maintained a demeanour that spit rainbows… after all you had grown up and you had done it on your own!! You suddenly felt heroic like it was time for the world to know you!! … In your full majestic form.

How I pity that stance of yours and as I type away my criticism I reflect on my own crazy high school self. The nature of my dreams, the confidence in my plans and goals and the unconquerable will to win. The irony of it all makes me laugh so hard I have to fight for breath! I am sure you all have that memory sitting in a classroom full of children just like you, talking about how your aim was to become the Prime Minister of India and an astronaut by the side (honest goals of my best friend at that time!) and we all believed didn't we? That this was the hardest part; deciding what to become.  

And then reality happened. It never did ask us, did it? No! It just came barging in, raining on our dreams and pooping on our goals. It sprayed all our seeds of desires with the “unrealistic pesticide “and all we could do was sit and stare as our plantation destroyed itself. And then we grew up!!

I am sure each of us can relate to the uniqueness of this feeling, the feeling that growing up brought with itself and we all detest it just the same. No matter which part of the world you are in right now, it will never compare to the class room of your childhood. The meetings that help you finalize the million dollar deals, they feel less fulfilling now that you think about the distance between you and your friends. The pent house and the plasma t.v. has no competitor as you flip through the channels of your choice. And you long for a reunion and any reason to be that age again.

Growing up isn't about who reaches his/her goals successfully or who sacrifices his /her dreams for one’s loved ones. Growing up is a feeling of both! Of realizing that (and here I quote you directly viewer ship) “with great power comes great responsibility”. A feeling that is not so pleasant and gives you taste of your own kind of reality.

Growing up was a storm and I wanted to live for long so I threw away the innocence and bathed in the rain of fury... I struck out as strong as the lightning ,though the world seemed frightening, the inside of me was still wet because the child at unrest, refused to grow up yet!!

Those few words..

    Those few words…

Have you ever thought what would have been the course of evolution had God decided on not giving us the one tool that separates us from the rest of the mammals? The gift of speech, of communicating. No, because argue as you may we take it for granted. As we enter the stage playing our roles from cradles to coffins we often seem to overlook the relevance of the beautiful genius that our tongue is. Speaking the art that evolved over time from symbols to sentences, drums to telephones, from sounds to words, it still astonishes me that most of us do not appreciate this gift for what it really is. It was easy as little babies wasn’t it? To shout and cry for food, for any bumpy feeling and even for attention and love. But why as we grow up we stop speaking, not in a whole way but in the thoroughgoing possible way. 

 We wonder and asses every minute detail when making important conversations and not focus when they are irrelevant. But then how do we classify? Human beings have a bizarre analogy when it comes to what type of talks are imperative and which are not. Its eccentric to sit back and watch people taking a lot of time to tell someone how much hurt, angry or in love they are with the other person, but it doesn’t take them more than seconds to depart on long discussions about Mr. X’s and Ms. Y’s future, about the political upheaval in the country about the rates, the population or pollution. 

We often forget to mention the things going inside our hearts and focus on the trivial details that don’t even outline our existence. Life isn’t about the money, the house, the food, the clothes, the loan, the bills, the assets it’s about the one sole thing that you are doing this all, for life is about that shred of happiness whether in love or in relief  in empathy, or in friendship , in obedience ,or in comradeship or in heart’s  peace. And how do we go about achieving this insane feat of balancing out between what we are doing it for and what it is. We do it with our speech. The next time that empty wallet troubles you, laugh about it with your friends, the next time you long for a lavish restaurant sit on the floor with your family and vomit your appetite out, the next time that dream seems far, go and ask for assurance from your beloved, next time the world appears to be a nasty place sit with your mum and tear up, complain and crib in her lap because for all I know all these confrontations don’t have any substitute.

Words and sounds have power which power knows not. They can hurt but they can mend too. They can destroy but they can build too. They can criticize but they can adore too. They can do all and they can tell you love and care. So don’t let your logic control your tongue, let your feelings control them, because when God gave us this specialty he expected us to use it in ways which are both good and bad for us. Don’t hesitate because if God meant it to be like that he would have stipulated us with a little door on the back of our tongues tied to our minds. Your words have the power to light up the world only if you don’t care about the temporary load shed.

Life isn’t going to wait for you to formulate that letter neither would it wait  for your emotional escapade to express yourself, so for the next appending years to your life’s file change the text to bold, remove the auto correct and type away my friend!!.. Type away…..

Convicted by steadfast love

There is little we know about the kinds of love that rule this universe. It’s very anomalous to think about the number of times we have expressed, spoken of, or analysed the phenomena of love.

And yet most of us take the whole thing in a stride. Ever wondered about the kind of love you are living?

Mainly the two categories that statute my mind are steadfast love and pliable love. Bible describes that the love of the lord is steadfast meaning it doesn't change with nature, condition, time, situation, circumstance. And the later one which I describe and have confidence in is the pliable love, the kind of love that is bent or shaped with time. Now before I let the critics pass a nagging range of comments on the fact that if love exists it should be steadfast, firm or should cease to exist at all I would like to ask them that is  the whole point of loving so uncompromising ?

There is got to be  that kind of love that one can let go of,  the one can get accustomed to but still in need or the one that one can forget because of the pain that is endured courtesy adoration of that one thing/person.

Sometimes it is not about how much or how firmly you can love a person. Sometimes it is not about the foolish blindness that is complimentary. Sometimes just sometimes it is about the approach you follow for your love, the way your love can turn around the mountain to find the right way and is not just hell bent on moving it. Loving someone right carries the message of my pliable love. It doesn't lessens the degree of the love, affection, adoration, care and all other feelings. It is sensible but not heartless, it is practical but not oblivious, it is diverse but it is all I believe in.

But many of us and most of us today are addicted to the steadfast type of love. Convicted of being in a steadfast relationship with our feelings about our self, about the ones we love and the ones we don’t. But to them I would like to say never make your love follow a path, a road not taken. It sounds super manly and mighty brave to do all in your strength to make your love steadfast, so firm that lord himself gets down to praise on the new parameters you have set and raised. But he never meant for you to do this. Humans evolve with time, everything does so what in the world makes us think that love shouldn't??

It should change. 

 Words simply put, don’t restrict the flow or the decree of your love, don’t just follow a blind path don’t be so rudimentary about it.if you passed on a judgement be cool, if you feel it descending ,be calm and ask why but don’t try to overwhelm yourself with the pressure of bringing it back to that level. If that one love is leaving your life know this and know this for good that no matter how hard you try to hold onto it, it just won’t stay. It wasn't meant to.

 So the next time you find someone convicted of steadfast love just tell them that my friend the love you are loving is in fact valid only for the lord and fairly put for mothers all over the world.

The Epilogue

                                                         The Epilogue

The story starts with a startling smile
her eyes, her face a heart's delight
Our little footsteps always matched along
Our dolls ,our bears our loud songs


Hand in hand we grew young
the glass shattered, the bell rung
Something broke ,someone lied 
the leprechaun now began to smile 

Too big to accept the follies we made
too small to apologize ,the coward brigade
Hearts shrinked  our souls dried
the light now began to subside


The silent scream echoed aloud
uprooted this plant from the ground
I still wonder what those eyes say
no little pain its a heart's ache


Said hundred words still could not mime
the ones which could soothe your mind
Held on to the rope all along
now ,in this way no one's that strong


Searching for the one who blew this fire
it was there your heart's desire 
Think of a punishment that would suffice 
the cost of broken friendship ,the unvalued price


Wrecked my brain long enough
didn't know you were made of such stronger stuff..
Sunken eyes ,your fake smile ,stealthy walk over your towering height
once again our stupid might, was it worth the unreasoned fight?? 


Did we care what they played
ignoring the world ,what merry days!!
Now , we face them in a line
preparing an alibi as if for a crime.

Sometimes I Wonder...

Sometimes I wonder...
if i could survive the new bling..
new trends,abusing being the king
Where martinets fire,innocence leaves
A parallel world of unpleasant beliefs.


Sometimes I wonder..
If it was naive not to change
To refuse to play the worldly game.
To choose heart over mind,dream over desire
Was it such a deadly live wire?



Sometimes I wonder...
What came marching along
blaring, the bold, vicious loud horn.
Why cyganets now prepare to hide?
Why the pompous one now gets the winning stride?



Somtimes I wonder..
Life with its endless fights
chases me like a ferocious knight
Why I can't pause and hold for breath?
Why I can't blame you for my heart's theaft?


Sometimes I wonder...
When will I be able to shout aloud
the name of the maestro who brought the cloud
leaving me alone and yet strong,
for now i could sing my own song..